“ability to express yourself and your rights without violating the rights of others”
Assertiveness is the ability to stand up for ourselves and to say how we feel when we feel we need to. It includes:
A study by american psychologists claims that simply behaving in a bold manner can make you happy. Their research supports the idea that any extrovert behaviour has a positive impact on your mood. This research is documented in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
“I don’t think it’s the only way to find happiness, but I do think it’s a neglected way,” said Associate Professor Will Fleeson, a psychologist at Wake Forest University led the study claims that although it is not the only answer to finding happiness it is a much neglected way of achieving a good self image and a positive feeling, saying “People too often look outside themselves for things to make them happy.”
There were 50 students involved in the study. They recorded answers to set questions on palmtops for up to 10 weeks, recording their moods and activities. Bold or outgoing activities such as singing aloud, freestyle dancing, and plucking up the courage to approach someone they found attractive boosted the mood of the student for some time after the event or action.
Professor Fleeson remarked that: “Every single student in the study was happier when he or she acted extroverted than when he or she acted introverted…Even introverts can act extroverted and become happier by changing their behaviour.”
So whether you are alone or in company making a concious effort to be more extrovert, singing in the car or shower, dancing to some music or approaching others to initiate conversation can make you feel happy. Activities such as climbing mountains or going for a brisk walk can have a positive effect. Practice being more talkative or more assertive, voice your opinion or ask more a questions.
Fleeson promotes the idea that your happiness is ultimately in your own hands, it comes from the inside not from the outside. It’s up to you to choose to become more outgoing, even if you are reserved and shy by nature you can work on this little by little by choosing to practice some of the things mentioned above. Be a little more assertive, adventurous, outgoing etc - you have the power to be happy.
Wanting to be approved of and a fear of disapproval can turn many people into ‘yes people’. How many times have you agreed to do something without really wanting to? In the short term you may think this makes you more popular, but are you really getting the respect you crave? Does it make you feel good about yourself or do you end up feeling unappreciated, used, angry, taken advantage of?
If you are a person who finds it hard to say ‘no’ try the following exercise. You will need to ask a trusted friend to help you. With regular practise you can learn to change your habits.
The next time you want to say ‘no’ remember the positive feeling and just say it. If you feel the need to explain keep it very short. If they come back with another appeal simply say no again.
You need to convince yourself that you are in control of your life before others will treat you the same way. Remember, nobody can make you do something you don’t want to do, if you let them control you they will, but it is YOU who is handing over control. If you begin to take control of yourself then others will learn to treat you differently.
It may be hard at first as some will still see you as easily swayed, but if you stick to your guns and be consistent, they will have to learn to change their behaviour too.
Silicon Beach training offer an assertiveness and confidence building course.
This assertiveness training course will help to build your confidence and show you assertiveness techniques that you can adopt to improve your quality of life
This 1 day Assertiveness training course provides practical guidance to delegates, improving confidence, feeling comfortable asking for what they want, being able say no when appropriate and feeling better about themselves.