About Assertiveness
For an execptional assertiveness training course go to Silicon Beach Training in Brighton, Sussex.
“He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.”
Raymond Hull
Those who have been conditioned to please may envy those who can effortlessly ask for what they want and need. Those who have no problem asking for what they want do not usually know that there are others around them bending over backwards to please them.
If you are one of those people who worry about pleasing or offending others to the detriment of your own needs it may be time to think of ways to readdress your fears, build up your confidence and learn to say what you want. It’s no good feeling resentful when others take advantage of you if you are allowing them to. They may not even be aware of your feelings if you do not express them.
What is assertiveness?
Being assertive is the art of getting understood by others by being neither aggressive nor passive, but by stating your needs clearly and effectively.
Assertiveness is:
- Being able to stand up for yourself
- Making sure your opinions and feelings are considered
- Not letting other people always get their way
- A way of communicating and behaving with others that helps people to become more confident and aware of themselves
- A skill that can be learnt
Assertiveness is not:
- Aggressiveness, you can be assertive without being forceful or rude
Almost everyone, at some time will find themselves in situations where they find it difficult to express themselves clearly. Examples might be:
- Dealing with angry people
- Communicating our true feelings to friends and family
- Dealing with unhelpful shop assistants, call centres etc.
Often situations such as these may be dealt with by holding in feelings and not expressing them, or getting angry or simply giving in whilst still holding resentment. This usually leaves a person unhappy, with a feeling of not being in control and the problem remains unresolved.
When these responses to difficult situations become a habit it can lead to a loss of confidence which compounds the problem.